Why Don’t We (Men) Talk?

Written by Sir Edward Potier-Jones

Growing up, I was told to "never show your full hand" to not let people know what you’re really feeling. To stay strong, and stoic, like rock. And I continued to carry that mindset well into my 30s like it was gospel. I can still hear my dad's voice echoing in my head till this day, "don't let anyone truly know what you're feeling." So, I grew up thinking that always staying silence was a strength. Turns out, it was just adding to my feeling of isolation.

Even now, when I try to open up, there’s this voice in the back of my head whispering, “Shut up. Be quiet. Don’t burden anyone and just take it like a man.” Especially with my wife. I want to be her rock, her safe place. But here’s the kicker: how can I be that for her if I’m crumbling inside and not allowing her to help?

It’s a hypocritical double-edged sword. I’m trying to protect her by hiding my feelings, but that only builds walls between us.

The Loneliness We All Know but Don’t Talk About

It wasn’t until recently that I started telling people what’s really on my mind. A lot of people felt uncomfortable, and I can say I lost people I considered "close friends" but to my surprise, the ones who stayed started opening up too. Just no one initiated it first. Turns out, a lot of us are carrying heavy stuff, but we’ve been taught to keep it locked away. This isn't surface level conversations, these are grown men talking about the struggles in their romantic relationships, men stressed about not finding a job with bills piling up, men being in abusive environments, and the ever-present thoughts of suicide plaguing so many of us.

Here's the harsh reality: in 2024 over 49,000 people completed suicide with the troubling statistic that nearly 80% of those individuals were men. It was reported that 46.1% of men (and 45.3% of women) felt alone with 20% of men claiming to have no close friends and I was one of those individuals.

According to the World Health Organization, social isolation and loneliness have serious impacts on health, well-being, and society.

Men Aren’t Broken, We’re Just Wired Differently

There’s this push for men to emotionally communicate just like women. And while I get the intention, it misses something important: we’re not the same. We think differently. We’re wired differently. We communicate differently. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk. It just means we need to find our own way to do it. According to Dr. Sylvain Desforges (2025), this sort of pressure and expectation for isn't fair, suggesting that we need to express ourselves through our own authentic emotional language.

For me, that meant starting small. A text to a friend. A deeper conversation over a Marvel Rivals match until 2am in the morning. And eventually, coming together to create a space where men could talk without judgment, The Bettered Men Foundation.

Finding My People

Since launching this organization with my peers, I’ve met men (and women) who’ve joined me on this path and I'm proud of their personal growth, as fathers, as brothers, and as men.

What started as a simple text has led to knowing that they’ve got my back, and I’ve got theirs. And I wouldn’t be here if I didn't speak up or asked for help. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel alone in my struggles as a man.

A Message to My Brothers

If you’re reading this and you’ve been holding it all in, don’t. You don’t have to spill everything at once, but it starts somewhere. Say something. Text a friend. Talk to your partner.

Additionally, if that feels too hard, submit anonymously through our The Unspoken Project because even anonymous words are better than silence.

You’re not weak for having feelings. You’re not broken for struggling. You’re human and you’re not alone.